Vacation of a Different Sort

Last week I was on vacation.  I decided to do an experiment and do something for myself that I've never done before. I took a break from my diet and exercise and I didn't beat myself up about it.  Well, not as much as I normally would.

I've battled an eating disorder over half my life and what a battle it has been. One wrong food choice and the next hours are spent beating yourself up over it and trying to figure out how to "correct the mistake."   There were days when I struggled to watch TV because one McDonald's commercial and I was planning my next binge/purge.  One exercise commercial and I planned how I could "bounce back" from my most recent binge/purge.  Only in the past six months or so have I been able to finally take control from the eating disorder. This vacation was a huge challenge for me. Could I be kind and understanding  and loving and compassionate to myself about taking a week off total healthy eating and exercise?

Well, I did better than I thought I would, but there were still some difficult moments. It was nice to splurge and not think about calories or protein intake all day long.  Actually, today was the toughest for me.  Going back to work wasn't difficult, but the not snacking all day long was difficult.  When the urge to snack started, that's when I started being hard on myself. 

I need to get back on track with my journaling, meditating and yoga.  And I REALLY need to get back on track with my exercising.  This winter has kicked my butt!  All I want to do is eat and sleep.  I never have the energy to exercise. 

How are you able to be kind to yourself during the rough moments?

Until Next Time,

25 Facts About Me

At the beginning of 2011 I was reading an article where someone listed 25 random facts about themselves.  This intrigued me because I could not name 25 things about myself for the life of me.  I decided to change this and set out on the journey of learning (and loving!) myself.  Below are my 25 fun facts.

1. I am terrified of clowns and people in costumes.  This makes Halloween interesting.
2. I HATE karaoke.  I just don't understand how people who are horrifically bad at something keep doing it.  And they torture others in the meantime.
3. I usually read two books at the same time.  One will be a meaningful life changing book and the other is usually some romantic book.  I like to think of this as making me multi-faceted!
4. Road trips make my heart insanely happy!
5. I love strawberries, but I cannot stand strawberry flavored items.
6. No matter how bad the Red Sox previous season ended, I still get butterflies every year when Spring Training starts.
7. I despise grocery shopping.
8. I am a cuddler who loves head and back massages.
9. Three greatest weeks all year - (1) shark week and (2) two weeks of the World Series.
10. I wrecked a car when I was 2 years old.  Thankfully my dad was Chief of Police of the town we lived in so my punishment was singing I'm A Little Teapot at the local diner.
11. I've already designed my future house and it has a man cave - for me!
12. When I was little, my parents had to tape the previous nights sports section of the news and have it ready to go for me in the morning. 
13. My favorite color is grey.
14. I'm allergic to every mold, mildew, grass and tree in the state of Texas.
15. Cooking and cleaning calms me.
16. I have purchased 1684 songs on iTunes.
17. Dream date - star gazing on the beach with a bonfire nearby.
18. I have never gone to the movies by myself. 
19. I am a sucker for fairytale endings and happily ever afters. 
20. I love animals more than I love people.
21. I can cook for the masses, but struggle to cook for one or two people.
22. I eat oatmeal for breakfast 6 out of 7 days a week.
23. I may not have a ton of friends, but I treasure the one's that I do have.
24. Like a guy I LOVE sports and watch the Military channel for hours and hours.
25. I can't go to Sephora, Ulta or Target and not spend at least $75.

What are 25 random facts about you?

Until Next Time,

I'd Rather Be A Nerd Than One of the Herd

One of my all time favorite quotes is "I'd rather be a nerd than one of the herd."  It was posted by the fabulous The Single Woman.  I read this quote at a time when I was struggling to learn who I was.  I really battled accepting who I am because I'm not like others in many ways.  It just took me a while to realize that it's a blessing! 

This quote spoke to me again last night.  I was downstairs playing Mah Jong and updating my phone.  Hannah and her boyfriend Justin came back from dinner.  After asking what I was doing, she rubbed my back and said "you do realize your 26 right?"  Actually I'm 27, but who's counting?  Hannah, though only 17, is much more fun than me.  She's the free spirited life of the party.  Young, hip and knows how to shake her booty.  Me - I'm cautious, safe, conservative.  I rarely drink, never go to bars and get injured anytime I try and dance.  And don't even get me started on talking to guys - It's one painfully awkward moment after another. 

But here's the thing - I LOVE who I am!  It took a lot of work to get where I am today.  I watch episodes of The Big Bang Theory over and over.  I would much rather have a quite night at home than dinner at some fancy restaurant.  One of my life goals is to visit every ballpark in America (seriously how am I single?).  The point is I am perfectly comfortable being me. 

Never forget that you, just as you are, are enough.

Until Next Time,

Opposites Attract

Let me start this by saying that I love my family dearly.  But these people sure know how to drive a girl out of her mind crazy!

Though I am the middle of 5 children, I was pretty much raised as an only child.  I guess I should also go ahead and mention that I am a neat freak.  I am a Type A personality with OCD.  I make lists of lists that need to be made, I line everything up perfectly on my desk, I live my life in a very well calculated routine. Boring to some, comfortable to me.  I was also NOT born with the sharing gene (a.k.a. spoiled).  I used to break toys instead of sharing them.  Over the years I have learned to share, but there are limits.  

Now let me explain my family - they are the complete opposite of me.  Amazing, compassionate and loving human beings, always dressed to the nines and the life of the party. But they are not the most organized bunch (they would say this about themselves as well). 

After 4 years of all living under the same roof, I still cannot get them to line the shampoo and conditioner bottles up in color coded order or place the towels in certain spots (no matter how many times I explain that every towel has a purpose).  I fold my trash up before placing it in the trash, they will leave theirs on the counter.  I recently educated them on my routine for drying off when I get out of the shower.  I think for a while they wanted to have me committed. 

That being said, life doesn't always give you exactly what you want.  Would I be happy if they cleaned and organized more?  Absolutely.  But they would also probably be thrilled if I was a little less controlling and a little more fun.  OK, a lot more fun!  I may pray for a clean and organized man, but I'm not going to turn down Mr. Right because he doesn't realize that you have to use a coaster. 

Don't turn down an opportunity or person because they don't appear exactly as you wish they were.  You never know who or what lies behind each and every opportunity. 

Until Next Time,

Letting Go

There comes a time in your life when you decide that you can either keep a person in your life and spend your days and nights trying your damndest to win their attention, love and affection.  Or you can let go of that person and give yourself the attention, love and affection that you know you need.  I can promise that these decisions don't come easily nor are they made overnight.  Eventually you come to peace with the decision.  You are probably doing something you've never done before - taking a leap of faith for YOU!  I can guarantee that it will be a profoundly proud moment in your life.

Letting go and moving on doesn't have to be angry or bitter or ugly.  You just decide that you are better off without this person than you were with them.  You can still love them.  Actually, you probably always will on some level.  When you think of them, and you will, think of them fondly and only of the happiest of memories.  Send them love and peace.  And be proud of yourself for being brave and courageous and for taking care of YOU first.

Until Next Time,

Let Go and Let God

My name is Sarah and I am a worrier and over-thinker. I have been a worrier since the day I graced the world with my presence. I worry about things most people don't even think about. Currently I have been worrying about how I will ever be able to afford the wedding of my dreams. Please keep in mind I am single and have never been in a relationship. Clearly there are bigger things I should be focusing on. In high school I worried that they would decide to ring the bell early and not tell me, so I would get to school at least 30 minutes early. See, I told you I worry a lot!!

One of the things I have had to learn (and continue to learn) is to let go and let God. Some days this concept is as easy as breathing for me. Other days I really struggle to grasp it. I once heard this really great quote "I don't tell God how big my fears are. I tell my fears how great my God is." To me that is such a true and powerful statement.

Here is where I struggle with giving my fears to God: I look at my fears and think that they are too minor of an issue to give to Him. Why burden Him with my fears, though they are very overwhelming for me, when there are obviously must bigger issues in the world?

This is where the battle of self worth rears its ugly head. You have to know that, just as you are right now, you are enough and you are worthy. There are days when this is a struggle, but the one's were you don't have to question your self worth, you just know that you are worthy, well those days are what it's all about.

And if you are trying to decide if something is worthy of your worry, ask yourself this: will my worry change the outcome? If the answer is yes, then by all means continue to worry. But I bet the answer will be no. Once you come to that conclusion, let go and let God.

Until Next Time,

Just Haven't Met You Yet

"Wherever you are, whenever it's right, you'll come out of nowhere and into my life..." Michael Buble

A few months ago I was reading a magazine when it mentioned a website where the blogger writes a letter to her future husband (she's currently single) everyday.  Some of the letters were funny, some were sad, but they were all very honest.  The more I thought about the letters, the more I wondered what I would write to my future husband.  Truthfully I thought it would be a sarcastic letter asking him why it took him so long to find me.  What I actually wrote surprised even myself.  Here is my letter:

My Dearest Husband,

I don't even know who you are and yet I love you to my very core and think about you daily.  Our marriage will be a lot of work, but there isn't a job that I want more than you and me.  I can't wait for the road trips, lazy Sunday's in bed, nights spent cuddling on the couch, dinners cooked with great conversations and wine.  Truthfully, I simply cannot wait for us.  The good, the bad, the ugly.  I'm far from perfect; however I promise to make you and our marriage a priority.  And here's a little fact about me: I'm not a big believer in right and wrong.  Usually, I just want to be heard.  We will be an amazing journey - I just know it!

Love-
Sarah

After writing this letter, I realized some things: I’m okay being alone, but I’d rather be in a relationship. A real loving committed relationship. The kind where we each make the other person and the relationship a priority. Being alone isn’t a bad thing or anything to be ashamed of. I’d just rather have the laughter, tears, pictures, memories and stories from an amazing life with someone. For the longest time I thought fancy cars, name brand purses and shiny jewelry would make me happy and prove to me that someone loved me. But I’ve realized that I’d much rather have a hand to hold, a shoulder to lean on, a sweet good morning kiss and someone who has my back unconditionally much more. 

So what would your letter say?  If you're single, what would you want to tell your future husband or wife?  If you're in a relationship, what would you tell your significant other, after knowing all of their quirks, flaws, pluses and minuses? 

And to help inspire you, here's Michael Buble's "Haven't Met You Yet" video.

Until Next Time,

Wordless Wednesday

Pinterest

Love You

Last night my dad turned on the last few minutes of The Bachelor while waiting to watch the showed that followed. And in those few minutes I remembered why I haven't watched this show since it's first season. It's a group of women who are either trying to boost their "acting" career or who have such low standards and self esteem that they feel that there are only worthy of chasing some guy around basically begging him to love them.

NEWSFLASH: YOU HAVE TO LOVE YOURSELF FIRST!

There is such an epidemic of women and girls around the world who think that they are worthless unless they have a man in their life. They believe their life is a waste because they're single. You have to make yourself a priority and make loving yourself an even bigger priority. How can you expect a man to love you if you don't know 1) how to love yourself and 2) how to ask for the kind of love you need?

One of my favorite sayings is "when you know better you do better." When you know more about who you are and realize all the greatness you deserve, then you raise your standards of yourself and those around you. You may have to cut some people out of your life and that's ok.

Stop caring about what other people think and make yourself a top priority. Do you really know yourself? I mean deep down in your soul know yourself? It's not easy, but it is crucial if you want to find true happiness. You have to love yourself.

Make it a priority to spend 30 minutes a day learning you and loving you! Always remember that you are enough and that you are worthy and deserve of all the love in the world. Especially from yourself!

Until Next Time,

Necessary Evil

Growing up my parents always taught me to never hate anything or anyone.  To me, working out is a necessary evil and I can confidently say that I HATE it. There are a million other things that I would rather be doing than trying to push my body to extremes or contort my body into some not normal shape.  I had to learn to look at it as a job.  It's not a fun or exciting job, but it's a necessary one. 

I saw a picture on Pinterest the other day that said "No matter how slow you go, you are still lapping everybody on the couch."  I can not thinking of a truer quote.  When I first started working out three years ago, I could barely walk to the end of the street before I was out of breath and my legs were on fire.  But everyday I pushed myself a little bit further and eventually I was walking 2 miles 4-5 days a week. Currently I rotate through three workout tapes and I just downloaded a yoga app.

I also compete with myself.   I learned long ago that it never ends well if you compete against what others do.  Compete against yourself.  Challenge yourself to do something that you've never done before.  When I first started the workout tapes, half of the exercises I couldn't even do and the rest I could only do about 5 seconds (literally) before I would collapse on the floor.  But I stuck with it.  I still can't do all of the exercises ( I mean really - how many people can go from laying flat on their back to do a full sit up, touch their feet and then lay back down?) but there are so many that I can do now.  I started yoga and Pilate's not that long ago.  I'm still working on building up my endurance with that. 

It doesn't matter what you do, just be active.  Walking, running, zumba, dancing, yoga, Pilate's, workout tapes.  They all work.

So what do you do to stay active?  How do you keep yourself motivated?

Until Next Time,

Wordless Wednesday

What's Your Personality?

So I am one of those nerds that loves to constantly learn.  My current favorite thing to learn about is myself!  I spent 26 years ignoring myself and in the past year I have really started to learn all these amazing things about myself. 
One of the things my therapist told me to take is the Myers Briggs Personality Test.  If you're honest when taking the test, the results are really accurate.  So accurate in fact that it really helped me learn to trust myself even more!  I am an INFJ ( I googled this to get further information) and am known as The Protector.  Apparently, only one percent of the population has this personality, making it the most rare of all the types Portrait of an INFJ.  (Thank you personalitypage.com for the info).

So go on and take the test.  I dare you. 

Until Next Time,

Inspiring You Inspiring Me

"Courage has a ripple effect.  Every time we choose courage, we make everyone around us a little better and the world a little braver." Brene Brown

Every day we can choose to be courageous, take leaps of faith and be brave.  Here are some of the people and websites that help make these choices a little bit easier and a lot more fun! 

The Single Woman  Twitter: @TheSingleWoman If you aren't signed up for Twitter, you should just to read her tweets throughout the day.  She is such an inspiration for all women, not just the single ones.  And though I don't know her personally, she makes you feel like you could easily be best friends. 

Brene Brown Twitter: @BreneBrown Vulnerability Researcher and Brilliant Genius (my opinion!).  I was introduced to Brene by my therapist (and I believe everyone should have one) and I have been inspired ever since.  If you haven't already, do yourself a huge favor and watch her Ted Talk, which I posted below. 

The Daily Love Twitter: @TheDailyLove  I highly encourage you to sign up for the daily emails.  They are the first thing I read every morning, so I can start my day off right. 

Brave Girls Club Twitter @bravegirlsclub  They have daily emails that you can sign up for and they will heal your soul!  I have cried my way through more than one of them.  They also offer amazing online courses to help you along your life journey.

Curvy Yoga Twitter: @CurvyYoga I found her website when I was looking at the Choose Love Project website (more on this below) and was immediately inspired.  I've always wanted to try yoga, but kept saying I would wait until I lost all my weight.  The reality is you can do yoga no matter your size.  Now, if only I lived in Nashville so I could attend her classes...

The Choose Love Project Twitter: @ChooseLoveProj  I honestly don't remember how I found out about this project, but I am so thankful that I did.  The Choose Love Project helps all women learn to love their bodies and work on their relationship with food and exercise.  I will admit that I cried my way through all of the stories and healed a little piece of myself with each one.  Maybe one day I'll submit my letter.

Be courageous. Be brave.  Be inspired.

Until Next Time,

You Are What You Eat

So it's January 1, 2012.  The first day of a new year.  There are lots of hopes and dreams and new beginnings tied to this day.  One of my hopes and dreams for this year is to finish losing the last 50 pounds.  With that being said, I ate my way through the last two weeks.  And I didn't work out once.  Seriously.  So I will start fresh today.  Go back to the basics and get back on track.  The biggest thing I did this past year to help lose more weight was to cut the majority of carbs and sugars and I eliminated as much processed food as possible (with the exception of the past two weeks).  I also significantly increased my protein intake.
Here is a typical day of food for me (Disclaimer - I am not a doctor.  This is simply what works for me):

Breakfast - Oatmeal.  I LOVE the Better Oats pre-measured packages.  They have a water line on the bag, you add water, microwave for the allotted amount of time and your oatmeal is the same way every time.

Snack #1 - Whey Protein drink.  Let me start by saying I have yet to find a good tasting whey protein mix so I suck it up and usually chug it.  You can buy the powder mix at any grocery store on the organic aisle.

Lunch - Frozen veggies or frozen meal.  I am addicted to the Kashi frozen meals.  They are a little bit more expensive than regular frozen diet dinners, but so delicious!  I also like the Smart Ones dinners and the Healthy Choice as well. 

Snack #2 - I usually mix this one up week to week.  One week it will be an apple and string cheese.  Next week it could be cottage cheese and strawberries.  Apple with peanut butter.  You get the idea!

Dinner - If I had a diet dinner for lunch, then I will have frozen veggies for lunch and vice verse.  I usually buy the store brand of frozen veggies and I'll get the chopped spinach, broccoli and cauliflower, plain broccoli, etc.  I will microwave the entire bag, add Tony's seasoning and you're good to go. 

Dessert - I'm a sweets girl.  I am in LOVE with the Kashi Oatmeal Dark Chocolate cookies.  I'll either have one of those with some almond or coconut milk or a piece of organic dark chocolate with almond or coconut milk. 

Here's a simple secret that really helped me - I ALWAYS have extra snacks with me.  Whether it's fruits and veggies or the mini bags of almonds and walnuts or a Kashi or Luna protein bar.  Pop Chips are also good. There are days when I am counting down the minutes and seconds until lunch and days when it's 2:00PM and I'm still not hungry.  The little extra snacks can help you tame the hunger and not overeat on your next meal. 

The toughest thing for me was cutting carbs and sugars (sorry family and co-workers!).  I still eat some carbs, but healthy ones.  If you want bread, eat whole grain bread.  If you want rice or pasta, have brown rice or wheat pasta.  If you want potatoes, have sweet potatoes. 

Also, drink as much water as possible.  I drink lots of Crystal Light.  During the winter, hot water with lemon juice is a great to use to cleanse your liver and keep you warm!  I cut all soda's long ago and don't miss them at all.  I either drink water or tea. 

So what are your healthy go to snacks and meals?  Any tips or tricks that you have for those extra hungry days?

Until Next Time,