2011

As 2011 draws to a close, I've been reflecting on everything that happened this year.  What a year it was!  There was a lot of growth for me personally.  One of the best things I did for myself was complete The Courage Living Guide (http://www.yourcourageouslife.com/courageous-living-guides/). In my eyes, Kate Swoboda is a pure genius for creating this.  You get to have a smack down with your inner critic, learn to BE your journey and you learn to trust yourself (along with many many other things).

This year I also learned the difference between wants and needs and how important it is to voice your own wants and needs.  I started the year off right by going to a hockey game with Hannah.  I spent my entire birthday weekend going to Red Sox games.  I got my ears pierced.  From December 2010 to December 2011 I lost 45 pounds.   I proved myself wrong by being able to complete more of my workouts than I ever thought possible.  I started doing yoga and meditation.  But the most important thing I learned this year - I learned who I am.  I got to know myself, and I've got to say, I LOVE me!!

For the past two years I've been writing and journaling through different things.  This year, I wrote something on a whim and it has become my most favorite piece ever.  I turn to it frequently just to help remind myself how far I've come.  I wrote a letter to myself.


Dear Sarah,

Don't let your fears hold you back from experiencing life.  Be brave.  Be courageous.  Take leaps of faith.  Ultimately learn to Be your journey.  Learning this is life changing.

Be a kid as long as you can. You'll miss not having a childhood later.  And being an adult is not always all it’s cracked up to be.

In those really dark moments where you contemplate ending your life, know that it does get better.

The eating disorder that started when you were twelve and became your best friend for many many years will eventually help lead you to discovering who you are.

Don’t ever forget those moments of aloneness and loneliness. There will come a time when you will wish you could have some alone time.  Enjoy all of your single years because you won’t be single forever.  You won’t start dating or even marry when you think.  Stay strong and keep faith during those days when you wonder if God has forgotten you.  He hasn’t.  God gives you everything you need when you're ready.    Don’t ever stop believing that.  He will give you the family you’ve always wanted and needed later on in life.

Learn about your feelings and acknowledge them. Even the hate, anger and sadness. Those feelings make you human.  Sit with the pain.  Even take it with you on your journey.  Pain can be a beautiful thing so learn as much as you can from it.  And as much as you try to deny it, you are human and you love and feel and just want to be accepted as is.

Have more fun. Don’t be so serious. Let loose.  Life is too short to be so serious and stressed.

Let people in.  It can be incredibly scary, but it can also be incredibly rewarding.

Your mom – the day will come when you realize you're better off without her. Don’t spend another second trying to win her love, affection or attention.  You will never get it.  She will cause the first, and most painful, broken heart of your life.  Realize that it’s not you that caused her to be the way she is.  The sooner you realize it the better off you’ll be.  And it’s OK to feel sad and grieve those moments in your life when you want or need a mother and don’t have one.  In the end, not having this significant relationship will cause you to trust yourself more and to fill your own toolbox with life experiences.

Stop trying to be invisible because of your size.  The sooner you start loving yourself and your body, the better off you’ll be. 

Make sure you love yourself more than anyone else can.  It will help raise the standard on how much love you deserve.  And you do deserve to be loved.

Not every decision or relationship is black and white.  It’s confusing and difficult but try and accept the gray areas.

Believe in yourself.  Dream big.  Know you are worth it.

Love,

The older, wiser you


What were some of the things you accomplished in 2011?  If you wrote a letter to yourself, what would it say?

I hope everyone has a Happy and Safe New Year!  Here's to an amazing 2012!!


Until Next Time,

Eat Pray Love

One of my all time favorite movies is Eat Pray Love. I have watched it at least fifty times and I always come away having learned something new about myself and am deeply inspired. There are many amazing quotes throughout the movie, but one of my favorites is "Ruin is a gift. Ruin is the road to transformation." For me, ruin is hitting rock bottom. And once you've hit rock bottom, there's nowhere to go but up.

A couple of months ago I went through a blue spell. I was "sad" but couldn't tell you why. It was the kind of sadness that you feel in your bones, but can't explain. After about two days of feeling this way, I spent time thinking about why I had these feelings. I realized that God gave me this blue spell for a reason. I just had to figure it out.

Sitting with my sadness was by no means high on my list of fun things to do, but it was necessary. After spending lots of time praying, journaling and navigating my way through the sadness I realized the lessons God wanted me to learn. The first lesson was to never take your happiness (or anything for that matter) for granted. The second lesson was to show me that, no matter the circumstance's, the sadness is only temporary and it does get better. You see, there was a time in my life when I truly thought I was meant to be sad and depressed for life. The real breakthrough for me was when I was able to realize that my current state of sadness wouldn't last and soon enough happiness would return. And it did.

The amazing thing about life is that you and you alone are responsible for your own personal transformation. You decide if you want to stay stuck in a rut or if you want to change your life for the better. It's pretty amazing if you really think about!

So what's it gonna be? Are you going to stay where you are or are you going to challenge yourself to transform into a better you?

Until Next Time,

Two Years and A Lot of Work

Two years ago I was 321 pounds and miserable.  I was at the doctor's office again (I was constantly sick at this point in my life) and asked her to give me a magic diet pill because I was always out of breath and exhausted.  After a discussion about what I ate, she informed that I wasn't eating enough. She told me to start eating 5 small meals a day and I would lose weight.  Not going to lie, I thought she was crazy.  How does someone lose weight eating more?  The first two weeks were the toughest, but by March (I started eating 5 times a day in January) I had lost 25 pounds without even working out. 

In March 2009 I started walking.  When I first started I could only make it to the start of the trails (less then a quarter mile from our house) and then I had to head home.  But after time I was able to walk 3 miles a day.

By the end of 2009 I had lost 85 pounds.  2010 was a tough year for me personally and I ended up gaining around 40 pounds back.  2011 has been amazing for me personally.  I learned two HUGE life lessons - food does not comfort you and learn to acknowledge your feelings and emotions.  Once I learned these two things, my relationship with food changed drastically.  As 2011 comes to an end, I have lost a grand total of 90 pounds.  I would like to lose another 50-60 pounds.

There were also a lot of mental and emotional changes that were made during this time.  I will share more on that during a different post.  For now just know that it does get better and that you are totally and completely worth it.  You are the only one who can change you and YOU have to decide to make the changes, but if you stick with it, you will be proud of yourself and the confidence you will gain will shine through!

Until Next Time,