Found here
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Sunday, February 26, 2012
Frustration and Set Backs
When I first started this blog I wrote about all of the diet changes and exercise that I had done to lose 92 pounds. Now I'm being completely honest when I say that I haven't worked out two days in a row since November and my diet in the past month has been horrible. When I originally gave myself a two week workout break in November, I was shocked to get back on the scale at the end and learn that I had not gained a single pound. Shocked! I was preparing myself for a 10 pound weight gain. After lots of work, I had finally gotten my metabolism to actually do it's job and work on a regular basis.
I would work out one day here and there, but not on the consistent basis that I had previously done. There is something about winter that makes me want to eat warm foods and very sleepy. I managed to make it through December without gaining any weight, but I was still doing fairly good with what I was eating. And then January came. At the end of December I had big plans for myself. I had my workout routine down and was going to be vigorous with my workouts and dieting. Except that I didn't plan to have a mini meltdown. It was at this point that it start gaining speed.
I am harder on myself than anyone else ever could be. As the days turned into weeks and I still couldn't get it together and workout more than one day at a time, I started to really beat myself up. When did I get so weak and lazy? I used to walk almost an hour every day. Why can't I just workout for 20 minutes today? Why can't I just get it together? I'm supposed to be working out everyday so that I can finish losing weight this year. I'm not losing any weight by sitting on my butt doing nothing. By the end of January beginning of February the diet was out the window. Lots of emotions and feelings were coming up and I did not want to deal with them or acknowledge them.
At work I did really well with my eating. It's when I came home that I lost all control. Lots of bowls of cereal and fast food. I finally decided that I was over all of the crappy food and was ready to go back to eating healthy again. I even devised a four day workout routine - day 1 is cardio, day 2 is strength training, day 3 is yoga and Pilate's and day 4 is an off day. Today was supposed to be day 1. And then I pulled my hamstring this morning. (This injury is supposed to affect athletes. How I pulled it was no where near being athletic nor could it even be considered exercise) Hello Frustration. It has not been that long since I last saw you. Please go away for a long time. Sincerely, Sarah.
So as I sit here icing my elevated hamstring hoping it heals quickly I also have to take a few moments to sit with my thoughts, feeling and emotions. Even the bad ones. I've accepted the 5 pound weight gain. I can't change the decisions I've made in the past, but I can make better decisions in the future.
Until Next Time,
I would work out one day here and there, but not on the consistent basis that I had previously done. There is something about winter that makes me want to eat warm foods and very sleepy. I managed to make it through December without gaining any weight, but I was still doing fairly good with what I was eating. And then January came. At the end of December I had big plans for myself. I had my workout routine down and was going to be vigorous with my workouts and dieting. Except that I didn't plan to have a mini meltdown. It was at this point that it start gaining speed.
I am harder on myself than anyone else ever could be. As the days turned into weeks and I still couldn't get it together and workout more than one day at a time, I started to really beat myself up. When did I get so weak and lazy? I used to walk almost an hour every day. Why can't I just workout for 20 minutes today? Why can't I just get it together? I'm supposed to be working out everyday so that I can finish losing weight this year. I'm not losing any weight by sitting on my butt doing nothing. By the end of January beginning of February the diet was out the window. Lots of emotions and feelings were coming up and I did not want to deal with them or acknowledge them.
At work I did really well with my eating. It's when I came home that I lost all control. Lots of bowls of cereal and fast food. I finally decided that I was over all of the crappy food and was ready to go back to eating healthy again. I even devised a four day workout routine - day 1 is cardio, day 2 is strength training, day 3 is yoga and Pilate's and day 4 is an off day. Today was supposed to be day 1. And then I pulled my hamstring this morning. (This injury is supposed to affect athletes. How I pulled it was no where near being athletic nor could it even be considered exercise) Hello Frustration. It has not been that long since I last saw you. Please go away for a long time. Sincerely, Sarah.
So as I sit here icing my elevated hamstring hoping it heals quickly I also have to take a few moments to sit with my thoughts, feeling and emotions. Even the bad ones. I've accepted the 5 pound weight gain. I can't change the decisions I've made in the past, but I can make better decisions in the future.
Until Next Time,
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Quarter Life Crisis
Have you ever gotten a point in your life where you just felt lost? You know you need to make changes, but you don't even know where to begin or what changes need to be made? Your life is blah, but you don't know how to fix it? You forgot how to take care of yourself emotionally and you're not sure how to get back on track. Well, that's where I'm at at this time in my life. Changes must be made and the sooner the better.
Part of me is excited about making the necessary changes, but a bigger part of me is scared. I may have to face some fears and other ugly scary things. I'm probably going to have to be vulnerable and it's one of those feelings I'm not that fond of. Every aspect of my life (work, relationships, self, etc) needs to be shaken up.
Some time last year I read about Christine Hassler who is a life coach for the 20-somethings. I read a post called What Do I Want To Do With My Life. My first thought was of relief. Sweet, there are other people in the world who feel like I do. I'm not the only one. My second thought was that I need to take this course one day. Sadly I have not yet taken this course, but hopefully I will in the next month or two.
In happier news, Christine wrote a book called 20 Something 20 Everything: A Quarter-life Woman's Guide to Balance and Direction which I just purchased. I am ecstatic to get started on it. In fact, most of my weekend will be spent working on this and ultimately working on myself. I believe that if you take care of yourself first, you will be better able to take care of others later.
Until Next Time,
Part of me is excited about making the necessary changes, but a bigger part of me is scared. I may have to face some fears and other ugly scary things. I'm probably going to have to be vulnerable and it's one of those feelings I'm not that fond of. Every aspect of my life (work, relationships, self, etc) needs to be shaken up.
Some time last year I read about Christine Hassler who is a life coach for the 20-somethings. I read a post called What Do I Want To Do With My Life. My first thought was of relief. Sweet, there are other people in the world who feel like I do. I'm not the only one. My second thought was that I need to take this course one day. Sadly I have not yet taken this course, but hopefully I will in the next month or two.
In happier news, Christine wrote a book called 20 Something 20 Everything: A Quarter-life Woman's Guide to Balance and Direction which I just purchased. I am ecstatic to get started on it. In fact, most of my weekend will be spent working on this and ultimately working on myself. I believe that if you take care of yourself first, you will be better able to take care of others later.
Until Next Time,
Monday, February 20, 2012
Lessons Learned
I spent this past weekend in Austin celebrating my friend Courtney's birthday. Even with crappy weather we had a blast! But bigger things than just letting loose and having fun happened. I learned some things about myself and was able to face some fears that I had.
Friday night we went to listen to some bands in Gruene, Texas. I was totally out of my element - out in a strange city, at a dance hall listening to singers I've never heard of before. I had the best time! I actually even surprised myself. I was prepared to sit in a corner and read a book on my phone the entire night. I even got hit on by a sweet 60 year old man! Saturday night we went to two different places. The first place I was totally out of my element. I was uncomfortable and I did what made me comfortable - I read a book on my phone! No matter how hard I tried to loosen up, I just couldn't.
We left there and went to the second bar. A place that was the mother load of scariness for me - a bar so packed you couldn't hardly move. I HATE non-moving crowds. After about 20 minutes of this we all went outside on the patio. I was able to relax more because I could actually move around and breathe easily. While we were standing on the patio a guy came out and asked us for a pen. He was super cute and hilarious. He was also drunk. He came out a couple of times to talk to all of us and he and I talked each time. I later learned that he was flirting with me. I honestly thought he was just a drunk guy and wasn't serious. (My sister said I'm like the movie Clueless - I'm clueless when it comes to flirting with guys and them flirting with me! :) )
Let me backtrack a little and say that before I went on this trip I was REALLY struggling with my self image. I love every other part of my body but my stomach. I have been struggling and stressing trying to figure out how to love it honestly. But thanks to 3:00AM girl talk (very insightful for me!) and a flirty drunk guy I realized something big - guys aren't as shallow as I made them out to be. Just like I look at more than physical features when I'm interested in a guy, they do the same thing when they are interested in a girl. It was a big aha moment for me! And talking to a strange guy on a personal level was not nearly as frightening as I originally thought. My family kept telling me that it's not as bad I make it out to be, but this was one lesson that I had to learn on my own.
I truly believe that God gives you trying times and difficult days so that He can teach you some wonderful lessons. This was exactly what I needed to learn.
So on this hilarious trip I learned that it's OK to let loose and have some fun, flirting with guys (and flirty guys) isn't as scary as I originally thought and that Austin is, well, weird!
Until Next Time,
Friday night we went to listen to some bands in Gruene, Texas. I was totally out of my element - out in a strange city, at a dance hall listening to singers I've never heard of before. I had the best time! I actually even surprised myself. I was prepared to sit in a corner and read a book on my phone the entire night. I even got hit on by a sweet 60 year old man! Saturday night we went to two different places. The first place I was totally out of my element. I was uncomfortable and I did what made me comfortable - I read a book on my phone! No matter how hard I tried to loosen up, I just couldn't.
We left there and went to the second bar. A place that was the mother load of scariness for me - a bar so packed you couldn't hardly move. I HATE non-moving crowds. After about 20 minutes of this we all went outside on the patio. I was able to relax more because I could actually move around and breathe easily. While we were standing on the patio a guy came out and asked us for a pen. He was super cute and hilarious. He was also drunk. He came out a couple of times to talk to all of us and he and I talked each time. I later learned that he was flirting with me. I honestly thought he was just a drunk guy and wasn't serious. (My sister said I'm like the movie Clueless - I'm clueless when it comes to flirting with guys and them flirting with me! :) )
Let me backtrack a little and say that before I went on this trip I was REALLY struggling with my self image. I love every other part of my body but my stomach. I have been struggling and stressing trying to figure out how to love it honestly. But thanks to 3:00AM girl talk (very insightful for me!) and a flirty drunk guy I realized something big - guys aren't as shallow as I made them out to be. Just like I look at more than physical features when I'm interested in a guy, they do the same thing when they are interested in a girl. It was a big aha moment for me! And talking to a strange guy on a personal level was not nearly as frightening as I originally thought. My family kept telling me that it's not as bad I make it out to be, but this was one lesson that I had to learn on my own.
I truly believe that God gives you trying times and difficult days so that He can teach you some wonderful lessons. This was exactly what I needed to learn.
So on this hilarious trip I learned that it's OK to let loose and have some fun, flirting with guys (and flirty guys) isn't as scary as I originally thought and that Austin is, well, weird!
Until Next Time,
Friday, February 17, 2012
Books
I have always been a reader, but even more so now that I have an e-reader. I usually read two books at a time, one serious or interesting and one that is romance or fiction. I tend to read a lot of military type books because I'm not only a girly girl, but I love watching sports and learning about military events.
I just finished American Sniper: The Autobiography of the Most Lethal Sniper in U.S. Military History by Chris Kyle. This book was AMAZING! I just bought it for my dad to read because it really was one of my most favorite books ever.
I also recently finished Last Man Standing by Cindy Gerard. This was probably my most favorite book in the series.
My most favorite series is the KGI Series by Maya Banks. Whispers in the Dark was my most favorite book of the series. I cannot wait for book #5. P.S. All of Maya's books are fantastic!
What are your favorite books and authors?
Until Next Time,
I just finished American Sniper: The Autobiography of the Most Lethal Sniper in U.S. Military History by Chris Kyle. This book was AMAZING! I just bought it for my dad to read because it really was one of my most favorite books ever.
I also recently finished Last Man Standing by Cindy Gerard. This was probably my most favorite book in the series.
My most favorite series is the KGI Series by Maya Banks. Whispers in the Dark was my most favorite book of the series. I cannot wait for book #5. P.S. All of Maya's books are fantastic!
I think the next two books that I am going to read are Plan B by Pete Wilson and Seal Team Six by Howard Wasdin
What are your favorite books and authors?
Until Next Time,
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Randomness
- First off, thank you!! In less than 2 months my blog has been read over 300 times in 11 different countries. That is crazy!
- The comments section has been updated so everyone can comment, not just people with gmail.
- I am leaving in the morning for a girls road trip to Austin to celebrate one of my best friends Courtney's birthday! So very very excited for this trip. It is much needed!
- My The Biggest Loser Cardio workout dvd came in the mail yesterday. Hoping I can keep up with this dvd. The last cardio dvd I bought was torture. This girl + lots of jumping = well, it's not good. Ten minutes in and I literally cannot breathe.
- I cannot even describe how ecstatic I am that it's time for Spring Training. Baseball is my most favorite thing ever!
I am getting another blog ready to post tomorrow. Have a fantastic weekend!!
Until Next Time,
Monday, February 13, 2012
I Hate Valentine's Day...
...and here's why. Because Valentine's Day is not really a holiday. And yes, I would still feel this way even if I was in a relationship. It's a "holiday" for florists, card companies, jewelers and chocolatiers. From December 26th until February 14th the aisles of every store are coated in pink and red hearts and flowers. Nearly every TV commercial is aimed at letting guys know what girls want for this one particular day. Where are the commercials letting women know what men want?
It's a day aimed at making single people feel horrible about themselves because of their relationship status. Like we don't deal with this enough the other 364 days of the year. It forces couples to buy each other red and pink crap to proclaim their love for their significant other. And the entire world does this on the same day. How unimaginative and uncreative. It's also a day where we are forced to see way too much over the top PDA from couples that we should never be subjected to.
Relationships don't just happen one day a year. It's all day every day. They take work and commitment. I would much rather have little romantic and thoughtful random gifts throughout the year that are personal to me and the person I'm with than a big stuffed animal on February 14th. (Side note: what do grown people do with these stuffed animals anyways? Seriously - please let me know) Send me flowers at work one random day just because you were thinking about me. Let me (the girl) take you (the guy) on an unexpected date one night. A text that says "good morning beautiful" would completely make my day.
Why not do things throughout the year to show yourself and others you love them. And I don't mean buying them overpriced chocolate. The girl that gives you butterflies and makes your heart beat fast - tell her how she makes you feel. The guy who always holds the door open for you and gives you a smile that makes your knees shake - say hi and give him a great smile back. The sweet dog who is always excited to see you whether you were gone 10 minutes or 10 hours - give them an extra long belly rub and head scratch. Wear something that you know makes you look amazing! Strut your stuff for the world to see. There are so many more important things to life than one over-commercialized day.
Sending you lots of love.
Until Next Time,
It's a day aimed at making single people feel horrible about themselves because of their relationship status. Like we don't deal with this enough the other 364 days of the year. It forces couples to buy each other red and pink crap to proclaim their love for their significant other. And the entire world does this on the same day. How unimaginative and uncreative. It's also a day where we are forced to see way too much over the top PDA from couples that we should never be subjected to.
Relationships don't just happen one day a year. It's all day every day. They take work and commitment. I would much rather have little romantic and thoughtful random gifts throughout the year that are personal to me and the person I'm with than a big stuffed animal on February 14th. (Side note: what do grown people do with these stuffed animals anyways? Seriously - please let me know) Send me flowers at work one random day just because you were thinking about me. Let me (the girl) take you (the guy) on an unexpected date one night. A text that says "good morning beautiful" would completely make my day.
Why not do things throughout the year to show yourself and others you love them. And I don't mean buying them overpriced chocolate. The girl that gives you butterflies and makes your heart beat fast - tell her how she makes you feel. The guy who always holds the door open for you and gives you a smile that makes your knees shake - say hi and give him a great smile back. The sweet dog who is always excited to see you whether you were gone 10 minutes or 10 hours - give them an extra long belly rub and head scratch. Wear something that you know makes you look amazing! Strut your stuff for the world to see. There are so many more important things to life than one over-commercialized day.
Sending you lots of love.
Until Next Time,
Sunday, February 12, 2012
Vessel
"You are beautiful not for the shape of the vessel, but the volume of the soul that is carries." ~ Michael Wriston
I saw this quote a few weeks ago and it struck a chord with me. I will turn 28 this year and I don't remember a single moment in my life where I have loved my body. I thought once I started losing weight it would happen. How wrong I was. Without getting too graphic losing 92 pounds does certain things to a body. While the body does shrink, there can also be extra skin that you have to deal with. And while I do have more weight to lose, the added weight loss will only add to the excess skin that I cannot stand.
I am a big believer that you have to love yourself before you can expect anyone else to love you. For the first time in many years I do love most of my body. Internally I know I'm a good person. Smart, funny, caring, attractive. Any guy would be lucky to have me. And compared to what my body was before I started losing weight, I am proud of it. I am proud of my accomplishment. Well, most of it. If only I could learn to be more accepting of my mid-section I would be set.
The thing I hate more than my mid-section is the fact that I tie a large part of my self worth into it. When I make pro/con list about myself the biggest con that I can list is my stomach. And for some reason that one con (there are more entries when I create my list) wipes out all of the amazing pro's. And I'm kind of an all or nothing girl so I never tell myself that I'm going to have to settle for just some guy. No I tell myself that I will never have any guy because of that one single con. Is it fair? No, but at this moment in my life I don't know how to change my thinking and somehow turn it into a pro.
I don't expect perfection from myself. In fact I want to be curvy and womanly. I would be completely happy with my entire self top to bottom if only I could learn to love and accept my stomach area.
My biggest goal for 2012 is to find a way, any way, to completely love every inch of my body. I have absolutely no clue how to make that happen, but I feel that learning this may be the most profound moment that will happen on my journey.
Do you love every inch of your body? If so, how did you get there? If not, how can we get there?
Until Next Time,
I saw this quote a few weeks ago and it struck a chord with me. I will turn 28 this year and I don't remember a single moment in my life where I have loved my body. I thought once I started losing weight it would happen. How wrong I was. Without getting too graphic losing 92 pounds does certain things to a body. While the body does shrink, there can also be extra skin that you have to deal with. And while I do have more weight to lose, the added weight loss will only add to the excess skin that I cannot stand.
I am a big believer that you have to love yourself before you can expect anyone else to love you. For the first time in many years I do love most of my body. Internally I know I'm a good person. Smart, funny, caring, attractive. Any guy would be lucky to have me. And compared to what my body was before I started losing weight, I am proud of it. I am proud of my accomplishment. Well, most of it. If only I could learn to be more accepting of my mid-section I would be set.
The thing I hate more than my mid-section is the fact that I tie a large part of my self worth into it. When I make pro/con list about myself the biggest con that I can list is my stomach. And for some reason that one con (there are more entries when I create my list) wipes out all of the amazing pro's. And I'm kind of an all or nothing girl so I never tell myself that I'm going to have to settle for just some guy. No I tell myself that I will never have any guy because of that one single con. Is it fair? No, but at this moment in my life I don't know how to change my thinking and somehow turn it into a pro.
I don't expect perfection from myself. In fact I want to be curvy and womanly. I would be completely happy with my entire self top to bottom if only I could learn to love and accept my stomach area.
My biggest goal for 2012 is to find a way, any way, to completely love every inch of my body. I have absolutely no clue how to make that happen, but I feel that learning this may be the most profound moment that will happen on my journey.
Do you love every inch of your body? If so, how did you get there? If not, how can we get there?
This picture and many more can be found at the Now Foundation.
Until Next Time,
Friday, February 10, 2012
Unmotivated and In A Funk
It usually happens once or twice a year. For a week or so I am in a rut/funk. I feel blah. Nothing makes me happy. I'm emotional for no reason. Too much over thinking goes on. This past week has been rut/funk week #1 of 2012. It was a doozy! I go to bed one night willing and able to be loving and compassionate to myself and wake up completely unable to do this.
The last rut/funk week I had I was actually able to learn a lot. I sat with my feelings and emotions. I actually let myself feel them and I acknowledged them. I learned not to take my happiness and happy days for granted. This time I was beyond frustrated with God and with myself. To the bottom of my heart I truly believe that God will give everything I need when the time is right. I just wish he would speed up the process a little bit, that's all!
But what was worse than being slightly frustrated with God's timing? Being disappointed in myself. I let myself down. I wasn't kind or compassionate or loving or accepting to myself when I needed it the most. Instead I hated (yes hated) parts of my body, told myself I would never be loved by a man because of certain parts of my body, beat myself up for not being extremely strict on my diet and exercise routine and made myself feel worse than I already did. It was a vicious cycle that made me feel like I was drowning at my own hands.
Every rut/funk week is slightly different. It takes different things to get out of it. The last one I knew it was just a bad moment and I would get better and be happy again. This week I wasn't so sure. I went to Target one day and walked around the store just staring at various items. Things that I usually drool over did absolutely nothing for me. I bought lip gloss that is supposed to make your lips enlarge. So I smeared it on and stared at myself waiting for the first sign of puffiness because what girl doesn't want Angelina Jolie lips? Instead I got my lips just extra shiny. I drank a margarita the size of my head, but nothing. One night I was supposed to go by Best Buy and pick something up. I pulled into the parking lot with tears streaming down my face. I'm pretty sure the staff there was thrilled I didn't go ahead and make my purchase in that state. But finally the overwhelming pain and sadness slowly started to ease. The pain, the blues - they every so slowly were beginning to creep away. My dad made my laugh hysterically about how men love their bodies and how he doesn't understand how women hate theirs ("Hate is such a strong word Sarahchelle."). I got 13 hours of good deep sleep. I went shopping and finally found the new comforter I had been looking for. I started meditating to the new Gabrielle Bernstein Medi-Dating album. It was during this meditation session that I finally realized that I was going to be OK. Still not 100%, but getting better every day.
I was horribly mean and cruel to myself, I hurt my own feelings and I disappointed myself. I will spend the next few days being a little more loving and compassionate to myself until I am 100% back. And then I'm going to do everything I can to prepare myself to be more accepting to myself the next time the rut/funk week hits.
If you experience these type of moments, how do you get through them? How do you remind yourself to be loving, accepting, kind and compassionate?
Until Next Time,
The last rut/funk week I had I was actually able to learn a lot. I sat with my feelings and emotions. I actually let myself feel them and I acknowledged them. I learned not to take my happiness and happy days for granted. This time I was beyond frustrated with God and with myself. To the bottom of my heart I truly believe that God will give everything I need when the time is right. I just wish he would speed up the process a little bit, that's all!
But what was worse than being slightly frustrated with God's timing? Being disappointed in myself. I let myself down. I wasn't kind or compassionate or loving or accepting to myself when I needed it the most. Instead I hated (yes hated) parts of my body, told myself I would never be loved by a man because of certain parts of my body, beat myself up for not being extremely strict on my diet and exercise routine and made myself feel worse than I already did. It was a vicious cycle that made me feel like I was drowning at my own hands.
Every rut/funk week is slightly different. It takes different things to get out of it. The last one I knew it was just a bad moment and I would get better and be happy again. This week I wasn't so sure. I went to Target one day and walked around the store just staring at various items. Things that I usually drool over did absolutely nothing for me. I bought lip gloss that is supposed to make your lips enlarge. So I smeared it on and stared at myself waiting for the first sign of puffiness because what girl doesn't want Angelina Jolie lips? Instead I got my lips just extra shiny. I drank a margarita the size of my head, but nothing. One night I was supposed to go by Best Buy and pick something up. I pulled into the parking lot with tears streaming down my face. I'm pretty sure the staff there was thrilled I didn't go ahead and make my purchase in that state. But finally the overwhelming pain and sadness slowly started to ease. The pain, the blues - they every so slowly were beginning to creep away. My dad made my laugh hysterically about how men love their bodies and how he doesn't understand how women hate theirs ("Hate is such a strong word Sarahchelle."). I got 13 hours of good deep sleep. I went shopping and finally found the new comforter I had been looking for. I started meditating to the new Gabrielle Bernstein Medi-Dating album. It was during this meditation session that I finally realized that I was going to be OK. Still not 100%, but getting better every day.
I was horribly mean and cruel to myself, I hurt my own feelings and I disappointed myself. I will spend the next few days being a little more loving and compassionate to myself until I am 100% back. And then I'm going to do everything I can to prepare myself to be more accepting to myself the next time the rut/funk week hits.
If you experience these type of moments, how do you get through them? How do you remind yourself to be loving, accepting, kind and compassionate?
Until Next Time,
Monday, February 6, 2012
Profoundly Wrong
Every Sunday I read Post Secret. This is my all-time favorite secret:
In your early to mid twenties, your singleness is fun. You flirt with all kinds of boys. At this point being single is no big deal. But at some point in your late twenties you start wondering if there is something wrong with you. And after being on various dating websites and not getting hits from any decent guys (you'll get plenty of winks and ice breakers from the creepy stalker guys) you start wondering if there is something profoundly wrong with you.
I remember the day I asked my therapist if she thought there was something profoundly wrong with me that no one wanted to tell me. She smiled and told me she remembered being in her twenties and feeling/thinking the exact same thing. Maybe God forgot me or doesn't think I deserve a husband. Maybe a husband is not supposed to be a part of my journey and I'm the last to know.
For a while these thoughts were a daily battle for me. I remember at one point telling God "just give me a sign one way or another. I'll be fine either way." It took me a lot of time and prayer but I finally realized that at these moments god wants you to dig deep and realize your true worth and value. And not just in a relationship, but in life. He wants you to realize you deserve so much more than what you were willing to settle for. So don't settle. For anything. Ever. As Christopher Robin (Winnie the Pooh) said, "Promise me you'll always remember you're braver than you believe and stronger than you seem and smarter than you think."
There are still days when I struggle with being single. Days I wonder if I will be single forever. And when it seems that everyone you know is coupled up and you are the last single person on the planet, know that your single life journey is a necessary part of your life journey. And that there is nothing profoundly wrong with you at all. God's just saving you for someone extra special!
Until Next Time,
In your early to mid twenties, your singleness is fun. You flirt with all kinds of boys. At this point being single is no big deal. But at some point in your late twenties you start wondering if there is something wrong with you. And after being on various dating websites and not getting hits from any decent guys (you'll get plenty of winks and ice breakers from the creepy stalker guys) you start wondering if there is something profoundly wrong with you.
I remember the day I asked my therapist if she thought there was something profoundly wrong with me that no one wanted to tell me. She smiled and told me she remembered being in her twenties and feeling/thinking the exact same thing. Maybe God forgot me or doesn't think I deserve a husband. Maybe a husband is not supposed to be a part of my journey and I'm the last to know.
For a while these thoughts were a daily battle for me. I remember at one point telling God "just give me a sign one way or another. I'll be fine either way." It took me a lot of time and prayer but I finally realized that at these moments god wants you to dig deep and realize your true worth and value. And not just in a relationship, but in life. He wants you to realize you deserve so much more than what you were willing to settle for. So don't settle. For anything. Ever. As Christopher Robin (Winnie the Pooh) said, "Promise me you'll always remember you're braver than you believe and stronger than you seem and smarter than you think."
There are still days when I struggle with being single. Days I wonder if I will be single forever. And when it seems that everyone you know is coupled up and you are the last single person on the planet, know that your single life journey is a necessary part of your life journey. And that there is nothing profoundly wrong with you at all. God's just saving you for someone extra special!
Until Next Time,
Sunday, February 5, 2012
Single Alpha Female Desperately Seeking Single Alpha Male
If I were to ever place a personal ad, I'm pretty sure this would be my headline. Back when I was subscribed to an online dating website I received an email from them stating that Tankoflove123 could be the one for me. Seriously? When I was a little girl doodling the numerous variations of what my married name could be (Mrs. Sarah Aikman and Mrs. Sarah Bagwell were at the top of the list when I was younger!), I never imagined numbers in my future last name. Call me crazy, but it just doesn’t have the kind of ring to it that I am looking for.
Which brings me to my question - where are all of the great guys of substance? Don’t get me wrong, I’ve embraced this phase called “Singlehood” and am fully prepared to conquer the world as a singular sensation, but where would one go should they want to meet a great normal guy?
I’ve done online dating and was traumatized by the results. As soon as I registered with one site, a guy with a fu-man chu immediately sent me an email stating that I was “purty” and informing me that he had 5 kids. And he lived in the middle of deliverance-town, population: him. I think he really wanted to skin me and wear me as a cape. Then there was the guy who emailed me and asked how often I liked to fight (I’ll make you disappear buddy), the guy who was currently unemployed because he wanted to be a mime (way to dream) and the man who easily weighed 700 pounds and informed me that he hadn’t left his house in a while, but would try for me (gee thanks, I think).
I had a friend of a friend set me up with someone. His favorite movie was Beerfest and his favorite hobby was drinking beer (wonder where he got that idea) while driving his motorcycle to see how fast he could go before he crashed. Breaking news: He crash A LOT!
I’ve gone to the grocery store during peak hours, gone to sporting events, pumped my gas at different stations, hell I even went to Bridal Extravaganza hoping to connect with a groomsman (all while secretly planning my own wedding).
So tell me world - where are all of the great normal guys hiding?
Until Next Time,
Which brings me to my question - where are all of the great guys of substance? Don’t get me wrong, I’ve embraced this phase called “Singlehood” and am fully prepared to conquer the world as a singular sensation, but where would one go should they want to meet a great normal guy?
I’ve done online dating and was traumatized by the results. As soon as I registered with one site, a guy with a fu-man chu immediately sent me an email stating that I was “purty” and informing me that he had 5 kids. And he lived in the middle of deliverance-town, population: him. I think he really wanted to skin me and wear me as a cape. Then there was the guy who emailed me and asked how often I liked to fight (I’ll make you disappear buddy), the guy who was currently unemployed because he wanted to be a mime (way to dream) and the man who easily weighed 700 pounds and informed me that he hadn’t left his house in a while, but would try for me (gee thanks, I think).
I had a friend of a friend set me up with someone. His favorite movie was Beerfest and his favorite hobby was drinking beer (wonder where he got that idea) while driving his motorcycle to see how fast he could go before he crashed. Breaking news: He crash A LOT!
I’ve gone to the grocery store during peak hours, gone to sporting events, pumped my gas at different stations, hell I even went to Bridal Extravaganza hoping to connect with a groomsman (all while secretly planning my own wedding).
So tell me world - where are all of the great normal guys hiding?
Until Next Time,
Thursday, February 2, 2012
Making Peace With Your Past
Growing up, I didn't have always the greatest childhood, but I also know it could have been a lot worse. For various reasons I mentally blocked out a lot of my childhood, both good and bad, years ago. And then at some point in the past year I started having flashbacks to memories from my childhood. Flashbacks from my past. And they come out of nowhere. All of a sudden a vivid memory comes to mind. I go from not remembering a certain moment in my life at all to knowing precisely where I was and what was being said to me. But it's not just the memory that's difficult to remember. The emotions are by far the hardest. Suddenly I'm vulnerable or sad or lost or alone or angry.
One minute I'm sitting at my desk at work minding my business and then next minute I'm trying to heal my inner child, and my current self, from some really bad memory. When they first started, I hated the fact that I constantly had to acknowledge bad feelings and emotions, so I ate my way through the memory flashbacks. And then one day my therapist gave me three pages that listed every emotion possible. I was to keep them with me at all times and write down my various emotions throughout the day. What was I feeling? Why was I feeling it? Did something cause this emotion? And after a few weeks this really amazing thing happened. I stopped eating my way through the memory flashback and instead started acknowledging and accepting them.
It is not always easy. Some of the flashbacks bring back anger that I thought I was past or they bring up vulnerability that I never wanted to feel. There are also times when I have a memory flashback where I'm laughing or smiling or having a really great moment. I truly cherish those flashbacks. What I have come to learn from these memory flashbacks is that with each one I have to power to go back to that moment in my life and tell myself what I should have been told. Sure some emotions and memories are tougher to face than others. But I have learned that the toughest moments are when we are our bravest. And because of these memory flashbacks, I have learned that we all have challenging or troubling moments in our life, but we also have the power to make peace with those moments and love ourselves for exactly who we were and who we have become.
If you ever have or currently experience any time of memory flashback, please know that they do get better and that you are not alone.
Until Next Time,
One minute I'm sitting at my desk at work minding my business and then next minute I'm trying to heal my inner child, and my current self, from some really bad memory. When they first started, I hated the fact that I constantly had to acknowledge bad feelings and emotions, so I ate my way through the memory flashbacks. And then one day my therapist gave me three pages that listed every emotion possible. I was to keep them with me at all times and write down my various emotions throughout the day. What was I feeling? Why was I feeling it? Did something cause this emotion? And after a few weeks this really amazing thing happened. I stopped eating my way through the memory flashback and instead started acknowledging and accepting them.
It is not always easy. Some of the flashbacks bring back anger that I thought I was past or they bring up vulnerability that I never wanted to feel. There are also times when I have a memory flashback where I'm laughing or smiling or having a really great moment. I truly cherish those flashbacks. What I have come to learn from these memory flashbacks is that with each one I have to power to go back to that moment in my life and tell myself what I should have been told. Sure some emotions and memories are tougher to face than others. But I have learned that the toughest moments are when we are our bravest. And because of these memory flashbacks, I have learned that we all have challenging or troubling moments in our life, but we also have the power to make peace with those moments and love ourselves for exactly who we were and who we have become.
If you ever have or currently experience any time of memory flashback, please know that they do get better and that you are not alone.
Until Next Time,
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)