My Journey to Body Love and Acceptance

"To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance." ~ Oscar Wilde

My main goal for 2012 was plain and simple: learn to love my exterior body as much as I love my interior self.  For far too many years I spent my life trying to be the person that everyone else wanted me to be.  I did nothing good for myself and I ended up hating myself for it immensly.  The past two years have involved lots of hard work to become the person I wanted and needed to be.  But once I got to the point where I adored the person I became, I absolutely hated my body.  And I mean hated with a capital H.

I am incredibly proud to have lost 92 pounds, but it does certain things to your body and they aren't always appealing.  Once I realized that there was a huge disconnect between my inner and outer self, I quickly came to the realization that I was the only person who could change these feelings.  This was when I decided to make it my number one goal for myself for 2012.

I started by making a concious decision to be kinder to myself.  Believe me when I say that this is easier said than done, but it is very necessary.  I looked at older pictures of myself, so I could see how far I've come and what a difference I have made.  I also made another concious decision to like and/or follow people and companies on Facebook, Twitter and Tumblr who feature healthy plus sized women who are closer to my size.  Let's face it, lots of places say that they are for plus sized women, but their definition of plus sized is a 6.  When you see lots of happy healthy women who are your size, you don't feel like such a whale.  You feel normal.

One of the greatest things that I have done is to start practicing yoga.  I was petrified to start yoga because I thought it was only for skinny people.  Boy was I wrong.  The first time I completed a session there were tears of joy in my eyes.  Not only had I faced a huge fear and conquered it, but I did something where I was able to love my entire body.  It didn't matter that my stomach wasn't the size I want it to be, I could still stand on one foot, bend down and lift my other leg all the way in the air like a pro!

The most important thing I have learned in my journey to body love and acceptance is to make yourself a priority.  You get to set the standards for how everyone else gets to treat you, so you better set them high.  No my body is not perfect, but no one else's is either. 

How have you learned to love you inner and outer self? 

Until Next Time,

Music Makes The World Go 'Round

One of the many things that I have inherited from my dad is a serious love of music.  When I was in the womb he would sing silly songs to me and when I was born I knew his voice first.  When I was in elementary school, on the mornings that he was able to take me to school we would blast 60's Party Rock all the way.  Music is the one thing that can completely calm my nerves and change my mood.  You know it's a good song when you feel it deep in your soul.  From the time I get up until I go to bed, music is playing 90% of the time.  Below is a list of my top 20 favorite songs and the newest artists that I am loving.  With nearly 2000 songs downloaded, this was no easy feat. (Side note: I tried to do a top 10, but I love too many songs.  Also, I realized what a sap I am when it comes to music)

1. Let It Be Me - Ray LaMontagne.  I can listen to this song a million times and it never gets old.  I already know this will be the first dance song at my wedding one day.  It's so powerful and honest.
2. New Favorite Memory - Brad Paisley.  This song makes me think of what it's like to be in a new relationship and you find all of the things you love about the person you are with.
3. Never Stop - SafetySuit.  I love everything this band does.  Listen closely to the words.
4. My Girl Tonight - Jon McLaughlin.  There is such a vulnerability with this song. 
5. NKOTBSB Mash Up. It's a mash up of New Kids on the Block and Backstreet Boys.  Enough said.
6. I Look to You - Selah.  There is a video on YouTube of lead singer Amy Perry talking about her struggle with her weight which lead her to write this song.  Very inspirational song.
7. Boston - Augustana.  Even though I am a Texas girl, I love Boston sports teams.  This song has nothing to do with sports, but I can listen to it on repeat!
8. I Ain't Ready to Quit - Jason Aldean.  "If you think you've seen love, you ain't seen nothing yet."  The line just gets to me.
9. The Sound of a Million Dreams - David Nail.  He could sing the phonebook and it would be amazing. This song really showcases his amazing voice.
10. One and Only - Adele.  "I dare you to let me be your one and only.  I promise I'm worthy to hold in your arms."  Holy amazing lyrics and song.  And it's Adele!
11. Sober - Kelly Clarkson.  The words of this song hit home with me when I struggle with my eating disorder.  Powerful song that brings me to tears every time I hear it.
12. When I Look At You - Lesley Roy.  Fun and upbeat song to brighten your day.
13. Lovers and Friends - Lil Jon.  One of the best songs ever. 
14. Contagious - The Isley Brothers.  I know every word of this song, including the conversation part.  I sing it when I'm doing the dishes.
15. Can Anybody Hear Me - Meredith Andrews.  She is an amazing Christian singer.  For anyone who has ever wondered if God has forgotten them, this song is for you.
16. Forever - Ben Harper.  Who doesn't want to be someones forever?
17. Touch - Josh Abbott Band.  This song just rocks!
18. While I'm Waiting - John Waller.  Heard this song while watching Fireproof.  Amazing movie and an even more amazing song. 
19. These Arms of Mine - Otis Redding.  I could listen to Mr. Redding all day and night. 
20. Suffocate - J. Holiday.  What girl doesn't want to hear a guy say that she takes his breath away?

Here are a couple of albums that I'm currently obsessed with:

Ryan Star 11:59

The more I listen to this album, the more I love it.  Rock/Alternative music.

Josh Gracin Redemption

He can sing the heck out of a song.  Country

Green River Ordinance Under Fire

Hannah originally introduced me to them.  Loving their new album. Alt-Rock

Who are your favorite bands and/or singers?  What are your favorite songs?

Until Next Time,



Updates

First off, I apologize for the delay in posts.  You know the saying, "be care what you wish for?"  Well I'm learning that lesson at work.  I was bored, asked for more work and now I am overwhelmed.  I know it will get better, but this month has been insane.  Hopefully I will start to have more time for the blog.

I wanted to update you on two issues that I have been working on this year.  The first goal I had for myself this year was to find my passion.  Figure out what it was that made me happy and do it.  I am happiest when I am writing.  So after talking to my dad and step mom, I decided to write a book.  The book is continuously changing.  It was going to be a romance book with a plus size female.  Then I realized I didn't know what that would look like.  So now not only does she fall in love with a man, she falls in love with herself.  I feel that these are both important topics for plus sized women and I hope I do the story justice.

The other thing that I really wanted to work on this year was my body image. I really didn't know how or where to begin on this one, but I knew that it was very important to me.  I am completely comfortable not being stick thin, but I still see myself as I was before I lost 92 pounds.  I started by subscribing to various things on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and Tumblr that promote healthy plus sized women.  That way whenever I would log on, I would see these gorgeous women.  Let me tell you, it has helped tremendously.  I've also decided that even though I still want to lose more weight, I am happy with where I am now.  The fatigue that I've been battling is starting to go away, so I hope to get back to working out a few days a week soon. 

What are your goals for yourself?  Have you accomplished any of them?  If so, how?  How do you plan to accomplish the one's that you are still working on?

Until Next Time,