Choosing ME Before WE

Last week I decided to browse through Barnes and Noble to see if I found any books that looked interesting.  As I was searching, Christine Arylo's Choosing ME Before WE came up.  As I read through it's description I was somewhat skeptical.  Not about the book being good, but did I really need a book about choosing me?  I'm single.  I choose me every day.  What do I want for dinner?  What do I want to do today?  After reading some of the reviews, I decided to purchase the book.  Once I downloaded it, I REALLY started thinking about how and when I choose me. 

Barely into the first chapter, I was hit with the realization that I had not been choosing me.  Well, at least not like I should have been.  Two years ago I did choose me when I took my mother out of my life, because I did it so I could focus on, learn about and love me.  Yes I have done that daily in the past two years.  But when I started focusing on myself, I did it because I wanted to be in a relationship after being single for 25 years.  I bettered myself so that I would be a great girlfriend and eventually a wife one day.  Have you ever driven home thinking about what it would be like to have someone waiting for you or gotten up in the morning and wondered what it would be like to have someone there getting ready for work while you are as well?  Have you ever imagined what it would feel like to hold someone else's hand so much you felt it in your bones?  These are the things I would think about when I needed to be thinking about me.

During my journey of reading this book, Christine talks about loving yourself.  Over the past two years I have learned to love myself something fierce.  Yes there are parts of me that I would like to better and change, but on every level, I love who I am.  No lie - I think I am the greatest thing since sliced bread!  Here's a funny thing though, even with all of this self love, I have never spoken the words "I love you" to myself.  Never.  At least not when tequila wasn't involved!  The truth of the matter is I have always wanted to hear those three magic words from a great guy.  It never dawned on me to tell myself, out loud, that I love Sarah when I feel it. They say one of the secrets to a happy and long lasting marriage is to fall in love with your spouse all over again every day.  If the most important relationship you have is with yourself, it makes sense that you would need to fall in love with yourself all over again ever day.  Do you?  I had never thought about it, but I will now! 

A month ago I did something I had never done in my life - I faced my fears and went to the movies by myself. Somehow in my 27 years of existence, I had never done this. I was scared people would judge or think I was some lonely cat lady. Instead I LOVED IT!! I may never go to the movies with others again! I got to sit wherever I wanted, spread out and enjoy a movie all by myself.  It was also incredibly freeing.  I was taking care of myself and listening to what I needed and wanted to do. 

Do you put yourself first in relationships?  Do you love yourself unconditionally?  Do you put ME before the WE?  If not, I highly recommend you pick up Christine Arylo's Choosing ME Before WE.


Until Next Time,

Wordless Wednesday

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Until Next Time,

Mother's Day...

Truth be told there were other possible titles for this post. "Mother's Day Blows Chunks."  "Mother's Day Sucks."  "Crappiest Day of the Year."  Yesterday was a rough day.  A day that is meant to celebrate amazing women ended up being one of the most painful for me.  My mom isn't in my life anymore.  No she didn't pass away.  She just spent all of my life telling me that she wished she never had me and that I was the biggest mistake of her life. 

I've decided there really needs to be a day for people who had a**holes for mother's.  Where is our day?  Also, there should be a sale on tequila that day.

The relationship between mother and daughter is one of the most important relationships in life.  The mother spends many years grooming her daughter to be a woman one day. To be a woman, wife and mother.  A mother's love is like no other.  When rejection is given instead of love, that pain is second to none.  You're left to pick up the pieces and try to figure out what is so profoundly wrong with you.  All I saw yesterday were stories and articles and interviews from people who were blessed with amazing women who were so proud to be mother's. 

And all I could think was why was I given a defective mother, but others weren't.  What's so wrong with me that she didn't want to be my mom?   I know that she is the one with the problems and the issues are hers to deal with, but on days like yesterday you can't help but wonder why you were picked to win the crappy mom lottery.   All I know is that it's her loss and she is the one missing out on being a part of my really great life.   



Until Next Time,

Battle

For a large portion of my life, I completely ignored my feelings.  Pretended I was a robot and didn’t have any.  Hated the thought of acknowledging them because it made me vulnerable.  Vulnerability was weakness I would think.  Eventually I learned that it is courageous to admit and acknowledge your feelings and emotions.  You are actually being brave in those alleged moments of weakness.

One thing I have struggled with recently is how one day I can be completely fine with a particular issue (being single, my weight, etc) and the very next day I’m struggling with it.  How did this happen?  Just yesterday I was fine.  Can I hurry up and get it together?  When I talk to myself (in the not crazy kind of way!) I can be brutal and mean.  I’m stupid and weak because I can’t keep my emotions and feelings in line and together forever.  But for anyone else in the world who is going through the exact same thing that I am, I can be empathetic and compassionate.  "Of course your feelings and emotions will change."  "You’re only human."  "Any man would be incredibly lucky to have you. " "Just you wait – God will give you the right man at the right time and it will all make sense."  "You’re gorgeous just the way you are."  When I’m speaking to myself, terms like fatty and tubby and lazy are used.

A few months ago my therapist asked me (when I announced that I hated who I was as a child since I didn’t stand up for myself) what I would tell someone who was going through the issues I was.  If the other person said they hated who they were as a child, how would I respond to them?  Without hesitation I offered them advice full of love and support.  It was honest and compassionate.  She stopped me and asked why I couldn’t do the same thing for myself.  Wow!  I had never thought of it that way.  It was at that moment that I learned that when I can’t show myself support and love and compassion, I need to take a step back and think about what I would tell someone else who was in the same predicament.  Then I tell myself that advice. 

As I mentioned earlier, the two things I have been struggling with recently are my weight and being single.  Here is how I have handled both issues: being single can be both painful and liberating at the same time.  There is such a freedom in only having to worry about you.  You don’t have to cook anyone else dinner or do their laundry or talk to them first before making a decision.  It can also be lonely.  But I am very resolute in the fact that I would rather being single and alone than in a crappy relationship.  I am also surrounded by people who are in relationships.  It’s not always easy to watch everyone else be taken on dates to fancy restaurants or have gifts showered on them or have someone that supports them all the time.  But I am faithful in the fact that God WILL put the right man in my life at the right moment.  I just have to stand back and be patient (which I am not!).  My weight is more of a struggle.  Even though I’ve lost 92 pounds, I feel like I’m the same size I was before I lost any weight.  I see my body as it was 92 pounds ago, not what it is today.  I wonder if any man will ever fully love me at my size.  I wonder if I will ever fully love me at any size.  When these feelings come up, I do the one thing I NEVER thought I would be able to do: yoga.  And I prove to myself that just because I’m plus size doesn’t mean I’m not healthy and fit.

When you have moments of inner turmoil, how do you handle them?

Until Next Time,

Turning 30: 30 Things Every Woman Should Know and Have

I recently read this article on the Huffington Post, which was written by Glamour Magazine.  The title is 30 Things Every Woman Should Have and Should Know by the time She's 30.  I'm two months away from turning 28, so I decided I would post the list and write whether I have experienced it or not. 


By 30, you should have ...
1. One old boyfriend you can imagine going back to and one who reminds you of how far you’ve come. I've never had a boyfriend, but there are a guy or two that make me grateful for higher standards.
2. A decent piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in your family. - Don't have this.
3. Something perfect to wear if the employer or man of your dreams wants to see you in an hour. - Got it!
4. A purse, a suitcase, and an umbrella you’re not ashamed to be seen carrying. - I've got the purse and umbrella, not the suitcase.
5. A youth you’re content to move beyond. - Got it!
6. A past juicy enough that you’re looking forward to retelling it in your old age. - I probably need to work on making my life a little more exciting. 
7. The realization that you are actually going to have an old age -- and some money set aside to help fund it. - I have a 401K, does that count?
8. An email address, a voice mailbox, and a bank account -- all of which nobody has access to but you. - I've got all three things!
9. A resume that is not even the slightest bit padded. - Got it!
10. One friend who always makes you laugh and one who lets you cry. - Blessed to have amazing friends.
11. A set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra. - I've got 1 of 3. 
12. Something ridiculously expensive that you bought for yourself, just because you deserve it. - I need to work on this.
13. The belief that you deserve it. - Yes I deserve it, but I can't justify spending $200 on a purse. I do have expensive makeup though.
14. A skin-care regimen, an exercise routine, and a plan for dealing with those few other facets of life that don’t get better after 30. - Just started Aveeno Positively Ageless skin care regimen, love yoga and Pilate's.  I'll face the other things head on as they come up!
15. A solid start on a satisfying career, a satisfying relationship, and all those other facets of life that do get better. - I have a good job, though it's not the career I envisioned for myself.  Now I just need to work on the satisfying relationship.

By 30, you should know ...
1. How to fall in love without losing yourself. - Hard lesson to learn, but one of the most valuable to know.
2. How you feel about having kids. - Like kids, but they're not for me.
3. How to quit a job, break up with a man, and confront a friend without ruining the friendship. - I don't know about any of these.
4. When to try harder and when to walk away. - Another difficult lesson to learn.
5. How to kiss in a way that communicates perfectly what you would and wouldn’t like to happen next. - In my mind I'm a rock star at kissing.  In reality.....not so sure.
6. The names of the secretary of state, your great-grandmothers, and the best tailor in town. - I know the first two, not the tailor.
7. How to live alone, even if you don’t like to. - I know this all too well.
8. Where to go -- be it your best friend’s kitchen table or a yoga mat -- when your soul needs soothing. - For everyday life I know this.  When new things pop up, I have to learn what my soul needs.
9. That you can’t change the length of your legs, the width of your hips, or the nature of your parents. - Tough things to learn.
10. That your childhood may not have been perfect, but it’s over. - Amen!
11. What you would and wouldn’t do for money or love. - Decide what your standards are and never lose your integrity.
12. That nobody gets away with smoking, drinking, doing drugs, or not flossing for very long. - Amen!
13. Who you can trust, who you can’t, and why you shouldn’t take it personally. - Not everyone is meant to be in your life.  If they are, their presence may not be for positive reasons.
14. Not to apologize for something that isn’t your fault. - And if it is your fault, admit it, learn from it and move on.
15. Why they say life begins at 30 - Excited about the 30's.  I do have a couple more years to learn lessons and enjoy my 20's to the fullest.

What are your answers to these questions?

Until Next Time,

Things I'm Loving

The past few blog posts having been somewhat deep so this one is going to be a rundown of all the things I have tried recently and am loving.

A few months ago I purchased 20 Something 20 Everything by Christine Hassler.  I knew I was smack dab in the middle of my quarter-life crisis and I hoped this would help guide me through.  Boy did it.  This is not some book you just read and accept.  There is a lot of personal journaling and writing involved, but it is so worth it.  In working through this book I realized that I had grouped all men together because of something a random guy said to a friend years ago.  It's crazy to realize the things you let change you without your consent.

Last year I had purchased one of Gabrielle Bernstein's meditation albums and really enjoyed it.  This year she came out with Medi-Dating: Meditations for Fearless Romance.  It was my Valentine's gift to myself.  If you enjoy guided meditation and are single, you will really enjoy this album.  For me at least, the meditations reminded me to focus on making and keeping myself whole while seeking out my partner, instead of focusing so much on the nit picky "list" that we've all created.

One day I was walking through Target and went to look at the workout DVD's.  I came across the Yoga for Stress Relief and Flexibility DVD by Ashley Turner.  As I mentioned in a previous post, I had wanted to try yoga for years, but could never find a DVD where the instructor made me feel comfortable practicing.  They always made me feel guilty for not being a certain size, etc.  This DVD changed everything!  From the beginning Ashley makes you feel comfortable.  Throughout all of the positions she shows you the different stages where you can take each position.  Last night I did the Yoga for Weight Loss DVD for the first time.  What a great workout it was!  I now look forward to working out each night.

I kept hearing about the Naked by Urban Decay eye shadow set.  The colors were OK, but it is $50 and I wasn't sure how much I would use it.  Then I read that they came out with Naked 2.   Game on!  The colors are exactly what I am looking for and can guarantee I will use this set pretty much every day.  Though I haven't purchased it yet, I already feel like it will be well worth the cost.



I am the girl that watches sports, reads military books and can drop some serious money on makeup!  The book I am currently reading is The Red Circle by Brandon Webb.  He was a sniper for the Navy SEALS.  It's such a great book with lots of insight.  Must read!

I having been taking a bunch of vitamins to help lessen some of the perimenopause symptoms.  Normally they make me very nauseous;  however I have started taking them first thing in the morning with the help of these Bolthouse Farms drinks.  I usually drink either the Green Goodness or Vanilla Chai Tea.  I've had a bunch of their other flavors and they are all delicious!

What are some of the things that you love right now?

Until Next Time,

Falling Apart

When everything seems so wrong, your life isn't falling apart. God is rebuilding it to make you stronger and wiser. ~ Unknown

Found here



I've learned that sometimes you have to fall apart in order to put yourself back together.  Case in point, on Monday I completely fell apart while at therapy.  One minute I was good, the next there were tears.  And raw emotions.  This kind of thing tends to happen when I choose to ignore my feelings and emotions.  And I usually choose to ignore my feelings and emotions when they are bad ones.  I mean, who actually wants to deal with feeling sad or vulnerable or angry? 

And ignoring my real (and bad) feelings and emotions is exactly what I have been doing.  I have been using humor when discussing perimenopause.  The saying goes "you gotta laugh until it's time to cry."  Monday I needed to cry.  Because when I started talking about how I really felt, the real raw emotions came up.

Truth be told, having perimenopause makes me feel old. Instead of feeling 27, I feel 47.  I feel like there is another large con on the pro/con list of me.  Deep down I truly do not want kids, but I also don't want the choice taken away from me. 

I gave myself the rest of Monday to feel bad for myself, but come Tuesday I knew I needed to change my attitude.  In the big scheme of things, it's just perimenopause.  It could be so much worse.  I sat down and thought about the many many ways that I am blessed.  I'm healthy, I have amazing family and friends.  I love my job and co-workers.  Life is pretty freaking good. 

And while I'm not thrilled to experience hot flashes and mood swings again, I'll deal with them head on. 

Found here

Until Next Time,