Frustration and Set Backs

When I first started this blog I wrote about all of the diet changes and exercise that I had done to lose 92 pounds.  Now I'm being completely honest when I say that I haven't worked out two days in a row since November and my diet in the past month has been horrible.  When I originally gave myself a two week workout break in November, I was shocked to get back on the scale at the end and learn that I had not gained a single pound.  Shocked!  I was preparing myself for a 10 pound weight gain.  After lots of work, I had finally gotten my metabolism to actually do it's job and work on a regular basis.

I would work out one day here and there, but not on the consistent basis that I had previously done.  There is something about winter that makes me want to eat warm foods and very sleepy.  I managed to make it through December without gaining any weight, but I was still doing fairly good with what I was eating.  And then January came.  At the end of December I had big plans for myself.  I had my workout routine down and was going to be vigorous with my workouts and dieting.  Except that I didn't plan to have a mini meltdown.   It was at this point that it start gaining speed. 

I am harder on myself than anyone else ever could be.  As the days turned into weeks and I still couldn't get it together and workout more than one day at a time, I started to really beat myself up.  When did I get so weak and lazy?  I used to walk almost an hour every day.  Why can't I just workout for 20 minutes today?  Why can't I just get it together?  I'm supposed to be working out everyday so that I can finish losing weight this year.  I'm not losing any weight by sitting on my butt doing nothing.  By the end of January beginning of February the diet was out the window.  Lots of emotions and feelings were coming up and I did not want to deal with them or acknowledge them. 

At work I did really well with my eating.  It's when I came home that I lost all control.  Lots of bowls of cereal and fast food.  I finally decided that I was over all of the crappy food and was ready to go back to eating healthy again.  I even devised a four day workout routine - day 1 is cardio, day 2 is strength training, day 3 is yoga and Pilate's and day 4 is an off day.  Today was supposed to be day 1.  And then I pulled my hamstring this morning. (This injury is supposed to affect athletes.  How I pulled it was no where near being athletic nor could it even be considered exercise)  Hello Frustration.  It has not been that long since I last saw you.  Please go away for a long time.  Sincerely, Sarah. 

So as I sit here icing my elevated hamstring hoping it heals quickly I also have to take a few moments to sit with my thoughts, feeling and emotions.  Even the bad ones.  I've accepted the 5 pound weight gain.  I can't change the decisions I've made in the past, but I can make better decisions in the future. 

Until Next Time,