At some point in our lives we have all dealt with shame. Some of us still deal with it. We all want to be the best at whatever it is that we are experiencing in our lives. Be the best child or parent. Be an amazing spouse and lover. Be the greatest friend ever. Be the employee that always meets all of the deadlines, makes all of the deals and wins all of the awards. We always set the bar incredibly high for ourselves and, when we can't meet our standards, shame and guilt set in.
I have dealt with shame at different stages throughout my life. For most of my life I felt shamed by one parent for not being a good enough daughter. Once I realized that I wasn't the issue in that relationship, my shame switched over to work. I felt that my company was too loyal when I wasn't living up to my potential. Once I started performing better at work, my shame switched over to not being a good enough older sister. You see, until I was 24 I had always been the baby of the family. I didn't have to be a good role model to younger siblings. When my dad married my step mom, that changed. I became an older sister to two amazing younger sisters. I was really worried that I would be a horrible older sister. Thankfully, over time I've been able to prove myself wrong with that one.
Recently a new shame has come over me that I have never dealt with before. Shame about my body. Prior to my losing weight, I was in a very dark place and really didn't care what my 300+ body looked liked. I never really worried about dating or guys. No one dates at my size anyways, I would tell myself. Ninety-two pounds lighter and I'm battling my body image now more than ever. If I were to make a pro/con list about myself, my biggest con would be my body, especially my stomach. I cannot stand it. The more I work out and the more weight I lose, the more I hate it. And no matter how many pros I list about myself and no matter how great those pros are, there is one huge con (and a few minor one's) that trump all of the good about me.
Sure I wish I made more money, had a bigger savings account and had better credit. To me those three con's aren't too bad. But when you add my current body to the equation, forget it. Now I don't make enough money, I don't have enough money in savings, I don't have a good enough credit score and my body isn't good enough. Simply put - I am no longer enough.
One of my favorite people on the planet is Brene Brown. She is a research professor at the University of Houston Graduate College of Social Work and she studies courage, vulnerability, shame and authenticity. In her book The Gifts of Imperfection (I highly recommend this book), Brene says "Owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing that we will ever do." This quote has become my life journey motto! It is so true and so honest. During the moments when deep shame overwhelms me, this is the quote that I repeat to myself over and over again until I start believing it.
While at times it may be difficult to believe, you just as you are right now are enough. If you are going to do one thing for yourself in life, make sure that you always know that you are enough.
Until Next Time,
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