Once/Then

Do you ever tell yourself, "Once I do something, then I will finally be happy."  How about once I get a job making a certain amount of money, then I will finally be an independent adult.  Or my personal favorite, once I get to a certain size, then I will find the man of my dreams.  The truth is our love affair with once/then's plays into our desire for perfection in all aspects of life.

The thing about perfection is once you achieve it, then you have to spend all of your time and energy trying to maintain it.  And you end up missing out on the really great parts of life.  For girls, once/then's start when we are little.  Every fairytale starts with once upon a time.  The male character comes in and rescues the damsel in distress.  Then they live happily ever after.  If we were to believe these stories, then women would not be happy until they were rescued by a man.  In reality, I believe women need to stop waiting to be rescued and learn to rescue themselves. 

As a society we need to step away from once/then's and learn to live in the moment.  In past months I had seriously considered having a tummy tuck because I couldn't fathom ever being able to love the stomach that I currently have.  Once I have a flatter and better looking stomach, then I will be confident enough to find the man of my dreams.  He will just come waltzing into my life once I get my stomach to look better. 

The pressure that I put on myself in regards to my size and weight was immense.  Once I could get to a certain weight and pant size, then every other aspect of my life would magically fall into place.  I would be crazy happy, I would have the perfect relationship, the perfect career, the perfect life.  One non-healthy meal and I would beat myself up because I felt that I was holding myself back from every obtaining my perfect life. 

I finally sat down and had a conversation with myself that I have given to so many other, but never to myself.  I told myself that who I am as a person is not based of the number on the scale or my pant size.  There were many uncomfortable moments of vulnerability in this talk.  I also informed myself that I need to stop comparing myself to other women and to stop thinking that, just because a woman is a certain size, she deserves all the happiness in the world. 

If we spend too much time focusing on how to make ourselves and our lives more perfect, we miss all of the great things life has to offer.  Life is so much more than once/then's and perfection.  It's dancing in the rain, impromptu road trips, watching flowers bloom, holding hands and marathon Monopoly games.  Sometimes the most perfect moments in life are the ones that are completely unplanned and imperfect.


Until Next Time,