If I'm completely honest, I don't remember a time when I wasn't afraid. Part of me believes I was born fearful. When I was probably 5-6 years old, at night I would roll over in bed and swear I could see people. I would wake up scared out of my mind. Once I could gain the courage, I would sprint across the house to my parents bedroom. Many of those nights my dad would walk me around the house (and sometimes even the outside of the house) to show me that there was no one else there. Thankfully it was discovered that the "people" I saw were actually created from a nightlight and some poorly placed stuffed animals.
My middle school years were spent in the Virgin Islands. Life is completely different there. It's not the safe hot tourist spot that everyone thinks that it is. At least it wasn't when we lived there. Though I dealt with fear when I was younger, I started dealing with fear (and anxiety) on a nearly daily basis at this point in my life. For all of the beauty that the island holds, there is also a ton of ugly.
High school was a beast. While I was elated to finally be back stateside, I was not at all prepared for how high school would be. In my mind, high school would be a lot like Saved by the Bell. I was some kind of pissed when I discovered that it wasn't! All kidding aside, the best way I can describe those four years is by saying it that nearly every minute of every day was a huge struggle. Everything hit rock bottom at once for me during these years - anxiety/panic attacks, eating disorder, depression and especially fear. I went to a high school that was incredibly large and I do not like crowds. Freshman year we were off site and at first it wasn't so bad. Then the tragedy at Columbine occurred. I just never imagined that something so horrible could happen at a high school. From that day until the end of our school year, we had constant (and incredibly frustrating) bomb threats. My fear and anxiety skyrocketed.
The main high school campus was a whole different nightmare. There was incredible overcrowding, constant fights, arrests, threats, etc. As soon as I woke up each morning, I immediately started panicking that I would be late to school or that they would decide to ring the bell early and I would be late. Once I would get to school (and I was usually there very early each morning) the panic and anxiety would switch to worrying about my upcoming classes. Also, at this point in my life, every second of every day was filled with some kind of worry. What if this happened and what if that occurred. Rarely, if ever, did the "what if's" actually happen. I don't know if I can put into words how real those numerous fears felt at those very moments. Logically I can look back and completely see how extreme the worrying and fear was, but there is also a part of me that can completely understand it.
Since high school I have dealt with fear on and off. There were times when it overwhelmed me so much that I could barely get out of bed or leave my house. It was absolutely crippling. There were also times when I was almost completely fear free. Recently the fear has come back. A few months ago one of my younger sisters started driving and turned 18. My youngest sister is nearly a teen and growing up more and more everyday. When I realized that I could no longer protect them, fear set in. I started preparing myself, mentally and emotionally, in case something horrible happened to them. Or anyone in my family for that matter. I finally decided that I'm completely over living my life this way and knew that I needed to take steps to face my fears head on, once and for all.
Starting January 14th I will be taking an e-course called 30 Days of Cultivating Courage. Every day you get an email with lesson or activity in which you will have to be courageous and face a fear. Once this program is complete, I will start a 40 day fear cleansing e-course. I know facing these fears is not going to be easy, but it is absolutely necessary.
Do you have to deal with rational or irrational fears? What steps have you taken to conquer your fears?
Until Next Time,
My middle school years were spent in the Virgin Islands. Life is completely different there. It's not the safe hot tourist spot that everyone thinks that it is. At least it wasn't when we lived there. Though I dealt with fear when I was younger, I started dealing with fear (and anxiety) on a nearly daily basis at this point in my life. For all of the beauty that the island holds, there is also a ton of ugly.
High school was a beast. While I was elated to finally be back stateside, I was not at all prepared for how high school would be. In my mind, high school would be a lot like Saved by the Bell. I was some kind of pissed when I discovered that it wasn't! All kidding aside, the best way I can describe those four years is by saying it that nearly every minute of every day was a huge struggle. Everything hit rock bottom at once for me during these years - anxiety/panic attacks, eating disorder, depression and especially fear. I went to a high school that was incredibly large and I do not like crowds. Freshman year we were off site and at first it wasn't so bad. Then the tragedy at Columbine occurred. I just never imagined that something so horrible could happen at a high school. From that day until the end of our school year, we had constant (and incredibly frustrating) bomb threats. My fear and anxiety skyrocketed.
The main high school campus was a whole different nightmare. There was incredible overcrowding, constant fights, arrests, threats, etc. As soon as I woke up each morning, I immediately started panicking that I would be late to school or that they would decide to ring the bell early and I would be late. Once I would get to school (and I was usually there very early each morning) the panic and anxiety would switch to worrying about my upcoming classes. Also, at this point in my life, every second of every day was filled with some kind of worry. What if this happened and what if that occurred. Rarely, if ever, did the "what if's" actually happen. I don't know if I can put into words how real those numerous fears felt at those very moments. Logically I can look back and completely see how extreme the worrying and fear was, but there is also a part of me that can completely understand it.
Since high school I have dealt with fear on and off. There were times when it overwhelmed me so much that I could barely get out of bed or leave my house. It was absolutely crippling. There were also times when I was almost completely fear free. Recently the fear has come back. A few months ago one of my younger sisters started driving and turned 18. My youngest sister is nearly a teen and growing up more and more everyday. When I realized that I could no longer protect them, fear set in. I started preparing myself, mentally and emotionally, in case something horrible happened to them. Or anyone in my family for that matter. I finally decided that I'm completely over living my life this way and knew that I needed to take steps to face my fears head on, once and for all.
Starting January 14th I will be taking an e-course called 30 Days of Cultivating Courage. Every day you get an email with lesson or activity in which you will have to be courageous and face a fear. Once this program is complete, I will start a 40 day fear cleansing e-course. I know facing these fears is not going to be easy, but it is absolutely necessary.
Do you have to deal with rational or irrational fears? What steps have you taken to conquer your fears?
Until Next Time,
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