Many days and nights (especially this year) have been spent praying for peace and understanding as to why I was still single and would I ever be able to fully love my body as it was. Those were my two big issues that I needed answers on. I either wanted to be in a relationship or I needed some kind of understanding as to why it hasn't happened yet. And my main goal for 2012 was to be able to fully love my body.
The past two to three weeks have been so amazing because I have finally been able to get the answers that I so desperately wanted and needed. Something inside of me just flipped and suddenly I am so grateful to be single. Don't get me wrong, there are many days when I would love nothing more than to go home and cuddle with Mr. Right or just hold his hand, but I'm not wasting another second being single. I have realized that being single just may be the greatest thing ever! If I want to come home and nap, I do. Watch two sporting events at one time? Done. Spend the day in my pajamas napping. Yes please! I am able to be 100% selfish, and though I know it won't last forever, I am thoroughly enjoying every second of it.
The learning to fully love my body has been more of a challenge, but it has gotten better over the past few months. Last night I saw a quote (and sadly I cannot find the picture of it today) on Pinterest that said something like "Being fat doesn't change who I am, it's just something that I have." Reading this was a huge moment for me. For so long I had always thought that because I am fat, I have to settle or not get the things in life that I want. It never dawned on me that the fat is just something I have, but it does not define who I am as a person. It's the same as me saying I have brown hair, therefore I am less of a person. If my hair color doesn't change who I am as a person, then why should my pants size?
Back in 2005 I went to a rehab center for a couple of weeks to get help for my eating disorder. Throughout my stay there they had us complete a journal about various topics. While I was cleaning out my room this past weekend, I stumbled across the journal. As I read through it, I discovered how much I have changed since then. For instance, in one entry I wrote that I wanted to be as skinny as Paris Hilton. Now I want to be happy and healthy. I no longer care what exact weight or pants size I am, I just want to be happy and healthy. The twenty-one year old me never would have believed that I could not only love who I was as a person, but I could actually love the body that houses that person as well. It was another sweet moment of seeing how much you can change for the better.
There is such a personal freedom that comes when you get your questions answered. A huge weight is suddenly lifted off of your shoulders and you realize that you can live your life, happily and peacefully, how you see fit. You no longer feel the need to compare yourself to others and the self criticism drops drastically. It is, hands down, one of the best feelings in the world.
Until Next Time,
The past two to three weeks have been so amazing because I have finally been able to get the answers that I so desperately wanted and needed. Something inside of me just flipped and suddenly I am so grateful to be single. Don't get me wrong, there are many days when I would love nothing more than to go home and cuddle with Mr. Right or just hold his hand, but I'm not wasting another second being single. I have realized that being single just may be the greatest thing ever! If I want to come home and nap, I do. Watch two sporting events at one time? Done. Spend the day in my pajamas napping. Yes please! I am able to be 100% selfish, and though I know it won't last forever, I am thoroughly enjoying every second of it.
The learning to fully love my body has been more of a challenge, but it has gotten better over the past few months. Last night I saw a quote (and sadly I cannot find the picture of it today) on Pinterest that said something like "Being fat doesn't change who I am, it's just something that I have." Reading this was a huge moment for me. For so long I had always thought that because I am fat, I have to settle or not get the things in life that I want. It never dawned on me that the fat is just something I have, but it does not define who I am as a person. It's the same as me saying I have brown hair, therefore I am less of a person. If my hair color doesn't change who I am as a person, then why should my pants size?
Back in 2005 I went to a rehab center for a couple of weeks to get help for my eating disorder. Throughout my stay there they had us complete a journal about various topics. While I was cleaning out my room this past weekend, I stumbled across the journal. As I read through it, I discovered how much I have changed since then. For instance, in one entry I wrote that I wanted to be as skinny as Paris Hilton. Now I want to be happy and healthy. I no longer care what exact weight or pants size I am, I just want to be happy and healthy. The twenty-one year old me never would have believed that I could not only love who I was as a person, but I could actually love the body that houses that person as well. It was another sweet moment of seeing how much you can change for the better.
There is such a personal freedom that comes when you get your questions answered. A huge weight is suddenly lifted off of your shoulders and you realize that you can live your life, happily and peacefully, how you see fit. You no longer feel the need to compare yourself to others and the self criticism drops drastically. It is, hands down, one of the best feelings in the world.
Until Next Time,
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